The complexities of family dynamics often come to a head in the most unexpected moments, as one new mother recently shared in a troubling interaction with her mother-in-law (MIL). During a family gathering, her MIL joked about allowing her son to suck on various family members’ toes as a baby, a memory that left the poster feeling shocked and concerned about the implications of such behavior.
The poster, currently pregnant with her second child and navigating the challenges of motherhood, felt particularly unsettled when her MIL and sister-in-law reminisced about her husband’s childhood. “Hey MIL, remember when DH was crawling age and we used to let him suck on our toes?” an aunt-in-law asked, prompting laughter from those present. The poster, holding her six-month-old baby, was left in a state of disgust, unable to fathom why this was a subject of amusement. The situation shifted from uncomfortable to alarming when her MIL remarked, “I’ve always wondered if he would grow up to have a foot fetish. Does he suck on your toes too?”
Despite her visible discomfort, the poster chose to remain silent, but the conversation continued, with her MIL recalling how her son had a habit of putting his hands and feet in the underwear of relatives while they slept, though her husband insisted nothing inappropriate ever occurred. For the poster, however, these recollections were deeply concerning, not only because of her own traumatic childhood experiences but also because they raised serious questions about her MIL’s judgment and boundaries.
As if the situation weren’t complicated enough, the poster and her husband were in the process of moving into a new house—one they bought partially with a loan from her in-laws, which she was initially reluctant to accept. The couple had agreed on a repayment plan, but the poster remained uneasy about any sense of entitlement that might arise from this financial arrangement. Her apprehensions were heightened further when her MIL expressed a desire to babysit the couple’s children while they moved. The poster immediately shot the idea down, insisting that her own mother would take care of the baby instead.
This refusal sparked an argument between the poster and her husband, who felt torn between supporting his wife and his desire to maintain a cordial relationship with his mother. While he acknowledged her concerns, he also reflected on whether she was giving his mother a fair chance to bond with their children. The poster firmly believed that her MIL would not respect the boundaries she had set and worried about what might happen if she was left alone with her children.
In the midst of these discussions, the poster unveiled her deep-rooted fears stemming from her own past trauma, revealing that she had been sexually abused as a teenager. This personal history compounded her anxiety about leaving her young daughters in the care of someone she perceived as selfish and oblivious to their needs. “When I was 15, I was sexually abused/raped by a family member over the course of a summer,” she shared, emphasizing her protective instincts over her children. She articulated her intense need for her daughters to be old enough to communicate their experiences before considering leaving them alone with their MIL.
The responses from the online community were varied, mostly focusing on the poster’s reservations about her MIL and the boundaries she sought to establish. Many felt that her feelings were entirely valid and that her past experiences understandably heightened her protective instincts. A portion of readers echoed the sentiment that the MIL’s behavior could easily be dismissed as inappropriate, while others speculated about how the husband’s family dynamics shaped his perspective in this situation.
Ultimately, this story illustrates the often tumultuous relationship between mothers and mothers-in-law, especially when boundaries are tested. The poster remains steadfast in her convictions regarding her children’s safety and her reluctance to allow her MIL any unsupervised time with them. “I need my girls to be able to walk and talk, and then I swear they can bond with her,” she declared, demonstrating a fierce determination to protect her children at all costs.
Original discussion: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1uk1jxv/am_i_the_justno_this_time/
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